Restless

*note: as always, actual names and places are changed to protect the guilty and the innocent

"You two are trouble, that's all I can say."

He said it with a smile, but I know he meant it, and I know he's right.

"He" is the guy I wrote about here and here.  

It's been a hell of a week-and-two-days since Mark sunk his claws into me first time. Those first few days we were all over each other at nearly every opportunity; I had no choice.  Not only did he cast a strong fuck-spell over me, but why let any chance to savor perfect chemistry go to waste?  So I didn't.  I didn't know him that well yet, but didn't worry too much about that, there would be time for us to either bond intellectually, or not.  

This all changed last Tuesday night.  

I made plans to meet him at a place where he was playing in a poker tournament, where I went on to have several drinks with my friends while he failed to have the courtesy to lose early, leaving me fairly tipsy and him completely sober by the time he was finally done playing.  Soon after, we went back to my place, only to find my roommate Shari drinking with our neighbors, already several drinks in herself.  

She and I have had our problems lately, so while Mark wandered off with our neighbors in search of beer (which we almost never keep in our refrigerator), we took the opportunity to cry, hug it out, and due to a little too much emotion plus a little too much booze, things escalated from there, and didn't stop. It was about 1:30am in our living room, and all the pent-up resentment, jealousy, love, and lust was coming out all at once. I don't know how much time passed before Mark came back in- alone, thankfully- but when he did, I heard the door and looked up to see his jaw practically hit the floor.

As unpredictable as I might be, I'm certain that he didn't expect to walk in on me and Shari having sex on the couch. Either way, I was drunk, I didn't want to stop, and I didn't want to explain, so I did the only thing that made any sense at the time: I motioned for him to come to us.

I'm sure it started much more awkwardly than several vodkas will let me recall, but Shari had no objections and Mark had no problems. I undid his pants and the rest he took care of, I put him in my mouth and got him hard, I felt his hands slide down my face and over my shoulder, leaving a trail of shudders as they raked across my buzzing skin.

 

Mark got down to his hands and knees to kiss me, touch me, and soon after, he crawled onto the couch, replaced Shari's head with his dick soon after, and it was on. Shari crouched over me, bare body lowered down on my face to give me a taste, then slid down, kissed him, and grabbed hold of his dick while he was fucking me. I felt him slide out of me, then heard her breath draw in sharply as he slid into her, fucking her slowly with me underneath them both. Other than the fact that I was having a hard time breathing with her weight, plus the force of his strokes, bearing down on me, I was deep in the zone, right in the mix, and in that groove where I've been with Shari before: sharing an experience without anyone feeling left out.

 

We put him on his back and we both rode him. She got him right to the edge, leaning on his chest while he pulled out and painted her ass, which I then licked off. He got hard again and we started again: he fucked me in his lap, he fucked her standing up, and finally, he fucked me on the floor until he came, and then we had another few drinks and he stayed the night. As happens when it's just the two of us, I came(and more than once), and when the dust cleared I was completely satisfied. There was no post-sex weirdness between any of us, and since then, I think the three of us have been together three more times. We hang out together, we've slept (as in, asleep, not just sex) together, and we've showered together.

I don't get the feeling that things are spinning out of control, and/or that I'm in a weird situation with Shari and Mark; it's more that I think it's weird that I'm not at all alarmed by this "arrangement". I mean, can this be sustained? I'm tempted to say that only in movies can two girls share a guy this way, and not have it end in disaster...but any example I can think of from TV or movies does end in disaster, sooner or later, so I'm sort

of in uncharted territory here.

He and I still go out one on one, and so far, I'm the one he calls, not her, though I'm not sure if I'd really care if he called her, too.  A friend asked if I'd be okay to know that they had sex on their own, without me, and I'd like to think I'd be okay with that; after all, I've given her no reason to think it would bother me if she did.  I like to be in control of things- or if I'm not in control, at least be sure of, and comfortable with, whoever is in control.  With the three of us, he's the only person with any semblance of power, and for now we both seem okay with that.

I'll find out as soon as tonight if that still holds true.  He's right though, we're definitely trouble.

***

Something's been bothering me lately, but it's not been anything that I could tie to a specific situation, or person, which bothers me even more.  But I think I've finally figured out that I'm not unhappy, or overly stressed out, I'm just a little bit restless.  

For about a year and a half, I was without roots, but at least I had some focus.  I knew I needed to make some money and improve my situation, and I knew (roughly) how to do it.  Since then, I've been really fortunate: I have a great friend and more that I live with, surrounded by other good friends, too.  I work for generous people, I have a good place to live, and I drive a reliable car.  But, somewhere along the way, I've started to get a little bit itchy.  Maybe it's the fact that I'm still staring down three more years of college just for a bachelor's degree, and of course more than that for anything else.  

Either way, my restlessness is really starting to boil over a bit as I sit, morning after early morning, through classes that are truly meaningless.  I don't say that as part of the whole "college is meaningless" opinion that you hear people spout off with from time to time*.  What I mean is, that compared with classes that I'd actually use someday, the ones I'm in are total bullshit.  I mean, "Organizational Behavior"?  The fuck?

Or how about this one: "Cultural Studies".  Here's an idea, buy and read "The Economist", watch "Rick Steve's Travel Europe", go on a couple of hours-long Wikipedia binges and don't be an idiot when communicating with other cultures.  There, I just gave you a curriculum twice as challenging and rewarding as this waste of tuition.  

I'm not saying that I want to quit college, but while sitting in these classes, little by little losing the will to do anything but show up for test dates, I wonder why I would waste my own money to pay for such a big time commitment, which will stay on my academic record (should that ever factor in a meaningful way down the road).  

So, I'm going to dust off the lucites, and take a couple of day shifts in a club where a friend and former fellow dancer now works.  It's a bit of a drive from where I am, but it feels right, and if I hate it, I can always just quit, which will put me right back where I started.  But if I find myself right back in the zone, then I'm still carrying 9 hours credit while doing something that I find myself missing more and more, earning more money, and keeping the night job that I also enjoy.  Plus, being a day-shift, I'd still have those nights free.  

.

I'll keep you posted on how this works out.

*usually those people never went to college, ironically enough.  This is sort of like never leaving the borders of the US, yet claiming constantly and vocally that "America is the greatest country on god's green earth!"

***

Now I think I’ll have me a coffee with six sugars

In a world full of ass kissers and dick pullers
I’m tryna walk a straight line but the line crooked
I’m shooting for the stars, astronauts dodge bullets
Yeah, I bought a brand new attitudeThe hate is music to my ears, I got my dancing shoes

Sometimes we question shit that there is no answer to

But I just built a house on I Don’t Give a Fuck Avenue

-lil wayne